big red equinox all the grasses bowed at the tips wind bent and swaying into and against one another the necks of so many giraffes leaning in worship cross the water october ignites tree branch chapell
the grass where its wettest is greenest!
bank blanket
ditch filler
low, vibrant, humming
A month full of reminders!!
Reality has set in that the Biden admin has indeed been a mere break from regularly scheduled programming. I don't really have anything to say about the election other than I'm a little embarrassed to not have seen it coming. And though I am plugged into an org (AYU!) around me who are doing the work to mitigate local systemic harms (that would have also continued under Harris), I wish I were more so. Plugged in that is. I've never been stellar at establishing a sense of belonging. I've always taken a long time to warm up & work my way into groups I want to be apart of. However this has already been a year of building better habits, so I'm pleasantly aware and reasonably confident that I am capable of change. A greater sense of personal fulfillment almost certainly lies in the same direction as getting to know my neighbors and learning how to use more power tools!
I attended an open mic for the first time in a very long time and though I didn't read, and wasn't really even identifying or identified as a poet in that space, it felt good to be there. I was also a piece of the crew who put it together, which also felt great. The even was a benefit for a Palestinian family in Gaza, and we raised a sum we could be proud of. The turn out was more than any of us had anticipated and one of the shirts I embroidered sold :)! And to someone who's general work I admire! I do wish I'd read.
Overall, November was also a month of remembering how much I care about the people I care about. Family and friends new and old and everywhere in between. I'm grateful so grateful for their space, time, and abundant joy and wisdom. My loved ones were also themselves reminders of the directions in which I want to be growing stronger and deeper and clearer. I also had a birthday, which was most certainly a catalyst of being keenly and tenderly conscious the ways I want to shift.
December was quick like a gust of wind that rushes right below the knees and picks up all the dirt and the bits and pins my pants against my claves while whipping them away from me like flags. it swept under and passed so fast all i could do was brace against it and watch all the flecks of dust dance. The moments of this month that made it into my notebook were spent out and about, in the city and elsewhere, and all the events I found/sought (myself) in/out had a couple things in common. They were all beautiful, poignant, and timely. I was lucky and grateful to be a part of each space I inhabited, from the theatre to my grandparents livingroom. They highlighted and interrogated the layered climates in which 2024 closed. A raging genocide, policy crises that will impact all of our lives for decades to come, that connection and friendship will prevail despite and against it all. And I found myself repeatedly confronted with vivid and clear reminders to re-examine how I'm engaging with the people and systems around me. I'm writing this in mid January and I don't feel like being specific so that's where I'll leave it.
I caught a glimpse of a hawk. it appeared for the briefest moment as a twisting flash of sharp white, a cloth hurled upward. It then imediately vanished into the fuzzy grey of the trees.
At pickerel lake the chill of the air felt opalescent. Clear like a bell, like it would echo given the chance. it was so so splendidly still.
Though I didn't formally start until the middle of the month January has been one of trying to get back into the swing of employed life. I trained into a job that is arguably a step up from where I've been before but that I don't expect to enjoy. There may be some redeeming factors, for example my employer provides tuition reimbursement that I'm certainly going to look into cashing in on. I also found myself attending city events alone for the first time in a while. I've always been comfortable solo adventuring but I forgot how much I appreciate doing so. I went to a gallery opening at my favorite art museum, which I'd thought would be a film screening. While there I found it whimsical that I'd expected to only sit in a dark room with strangers but had ended up with a free glass of wine and bites of fika. The background image you see here is from that exhibition, Pan Daijing's Sudden Places.
At the new job I also had time to read a lot more than I have in the recent past. I finished three books this month incl: Arlington Park by Rachel Cusk, The Jail is Everywhere by Jack Norton, Lydia Pelot-Hobbs and Judah Schept, and Investigative Aesthetics: Conflicts and Commons in the Politics of Truth by Matthew Fuller and Eyal Weizman. All of which were gripping and elucidating. Since I've been reading them on a oldish ereader which does not allow for annotating or highlighting, I've tried to start quoting passages by hand to take note of what I feel is especially important. I've been trying to be intentional about digesting worthwhile information, as so many of the informational environments I inhabit are geared toward anything but learning. Further, clinging to truth and nuance has never been more vital and will only require more effort in the coming few years.